Monday, June 21, 2010

292th post. Also the last post.

So many things had happened in a short few months & its time for me to truly move on to another stage of life, to make decisions & put it in actions instead of wasting time here & there over meaningless thing. Hoping to start afresh people. This blog will still stay but starting from now, this blog will only serve as a sweet memory for myself, to remind me of who I'm back then.

- The new blog -

See you people there

Monday, June 7, 2010

Craving for some wine..

These days, I find it hard to go all into hardcore partying&drinking. Maybe its the crowd, maybe its the music, maybe its the club. Sometimes its good, sometimes its just norm. Couldn't find the excitement & the right mood for it like how I did last time. When I'm really troubled these days, I tend to buy a bottle of wine, light up some candles, put on some really soft music, burn some aroma oil & spend my night in the balcony alone, thinking, star-gazing, having a moment to myself..

Sometimes its red..Sometimes its white..

But of course, after a long blissful night, the trouble still await the following morning. Problems don't just go away by themselve, that's something I know. It needs to be faced, treated & solved. I'm still trying to find the right solution for this time. I'm tired of the old-way-apologizing-then-ignore-the-problem-because-everything-is-back2normal. Its just a really bad timing for this to happen, since it collide with other problems. And the worst part, exam is just round the corner & I find it so hard to study with the messed up mind of mine =(


Mom's coming back tomorrow & its only going to get uglier. Brace for it =(

[Day 5: Spent the whole morning & noon sulking over my family problem. I heard the conversation & heard the change of plans again from my brother. I wonder what's really on his mind. I wonder how much he changed. I just miss the old him in a way but people do grow up & move on to different stages & their priorities changes too. Manage to spend the evening going over two topic. Its only when I'm back alone, you came into my mind. Would it be very wrong if I'm missing you? I guess not right. I still regret sending you the message the other day. Hoping you will not misunderstand. Its gonna be a 60% for the day]

Sunday, June 6, 2010

The infamous Cold War.

There is tons of things out there that have the power to bring me down, but when it comes to family, they are the ultimate one that can bring me not down, but makes me go all crazy & haywire. The pain is comes from deep within, the problems can stress me out 24/7, drives my mind crazy, making me feels like I'm living on the verge of breaking down every single second.

When it comes to me & my parents, love can really exist between me & them. Don't get me wrong, I love them to the max, they give life to me, they shower me with all their love & tried their best to give the best damn life could me. But then, there's almost NO communication & understanding between me & them. And yet, love still exist. I tried all the ways, talking to them, arguing with them, standing strong on my point, showing it to them, all kind of ways I can think of, but till now, none prove to be success. And one more thing, the trust is no longer there. They said I betrayed their trust & yet, they never ever tried to understand for once why I did the stuff I did at times. I admit I had my faults back then, I fell & learned from my lessons but I truly believe that it never hurts to let me take a small step of my own once in awhile instead of locking me up. There's so much more & it hurts only not them but me too....

Dad, mom, both of you are the few person I love the most in the world but if only we could tried to communicate & understand, each taking a step back instead of the way it is now.. It would only be so much better =(

Anyway had a new hair cut again few weeks past but since I didn't blog on my blog for like so long, I guess its good to upload a few new pictures of mine.. Am getting used to this hairstyle & it makes me feels like I'm 15 again.. That's what my friends say anyway.. There's more description to it.. Mushroom.. Tweety bird.. Maruko Chan.. Take your pick =)

Taken before Nikki's Wedding dinner..On the way to fetch Jacklyn for massage session with the sister & Doreen =)

[Day 4: Day 2 went really well until after 4play @ Zouk, my mind was filled up by you & only you. I guess that's what happened when I force myself not to think of you for the whole day. Just when my self-control went down a lil' you came into full force in my mind & I ended up sending the "IMY" message to you. Oh God, I hope you wouldn't hate me for doing it. I just, put it that way, my feelings got a better hold of me. Day 3 was pretty normal until my dad decided to start a cold war with me. The infamous Cold War is still going on.. It makes me feels constantly down. If I'm to give myself an average rating on my emotional performance for these 3 days? It got to be 0%.]

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The path of thorns.

So many questions on my mind right now yet so little answers. Having long talks with friends, friends who really care about me helps so much but at the same time, I spend more time alone, searching & thinking. Maybe I just need some room for myself, to keep myself sane. Its time for me to stop walking down the path of illusion & walk to the path of thorns. It hurts me but its the right path & maybe there will be something for me at the end of the path. Its time to answer unanswered questions. Somethings that are meant to be done had to be done. No use escaping & blinding myself from a curtain I made & drawn around myself. Its time for changes to be made before its too late. Doesn't want to find myself standing in hell before its really too late. I don't believe in the saying that "Nothing's too late" because nobody knows what will happen the next minute. Its time to grow up & move on to another stage of life, leaving unnecessary things behind & truly cherishing what's really important to me.

p.s: Saw one of the pictures token in 4play the other night when I headed to Zouk. Loving the new blue dress =P Will upload it once Jacklyn tagged me with other pictures! Can't wait!

[Day 1: Today was pretty good. Manage to spend lots of time with this really good book Ian recommend to me, he knows what's best for me & I really appreciate him. Other time was spend talking to Andy, Kelly & Jeanie. Thanks for hearing me through & offering me piece of advice. I'll think about it. In a way, I'm proud of myself emotionally today, was doing pretty good despite what happened in the morning with my dad. I'm sorry dad. Giving myself a 70% because there's still moments here & there when I think of you.]

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

ts time to give up on foolish dreams & pursuit for simpler, satisfying, happy things in life.

Its time for me to give up foolish dreams & pursuit something simpler, something achievable. So many things had happened in this short month but what had passed is already the past. Its time to focus on present & work harder for a better future. Praying for a good night of sleep, free from nightmares, free from what is troubling me.

Goodnight people

[Day 0 - It was supposed to be day 3, but the promise I made to myself is broken. Maybe promises are meant to be broken, I didn't broke it myself, it just happened, all because of A & E. So starting from today, its day 0. Wasn't doing so well today, I saw the three of them in the car & I know it still bothers me. Maybe I'm just not meant to be part of this whole happy family thing. I wonder what friend really means. Then there was the incident in Empire Gallery. I know what's on his mind, its amazing at times how I know what he is thinking. Definitely not a good thing. I give myself 0%]