Monday, June 21, 2010

292th post. Also the last post.

So many things had happened in a short few months & its time for me to truly move on to another stage of life, to make decisions & put it in actions instead of wasting time here & there over meaningless thing. Hoping to start afresh people. This blog will still stay but starting from now, this blog will only serve as a sweet memory for myself, to remind me of who I'm back then.

- The new blog -

http://cristine-cheng.blogspot.com/



See you people there

Monday, June 7, 2010

Craving for some wine..

These days, I find it hard to go all into hardcore partying&drinking. Maybe its the crowd, maybe its the music, maybe its the club. Sometimes its good, sometimes its just norm. Couldn't find the excitement & the right mood for it like how I did last time. When I'm really troubled these days, I tend to buy a bottle of wine, light up some candles, put on some really soft music, burn some aroma oil & spend my night in the balcony alone, thinking, star-gazing, having a moment to myself..

Sometimes its red..Sometimes its white..

But of course, after a long blissful night, the trouble still await the following morning. Problems don't just go away by themselve, that's something I know. It needs to be faced, treated & solved. I'm still trying to find the right solution for this time. I'm tired of the old-way-apologizing-then-ignore-the-problem-because-everything-is-back2normal. Its just a really bad timing for this to happen, since it collide with other problems. And the worst part, exam is just round the corner & I find it so hard to study with the messed up mind of mine =(

Aaaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!

Mom's coming back tomorrow & its only going to get uglier. Brace for it =(


[Day 5: Spent the whole morning & noon sulking over my family problem. I heard the conversation & heard the change of plans again from my brother. I wonder what's really on his mind. I wonder how much he changed. I just miss the old him in a way but people do grow up & move on to different stages & their priorities changes too. Manage to spend the evening going over two topic. Its only when I'm back alone, you came into my mind. Would it be very wrong if I'm missing you? I guess not right. I still regret sending you the message the other day. Hoping you will not misunderstand. Its gonna be a 60% for the day]

Sunday, June 6, 2010

The infamous Cold War.

There is tons of things out there that have the power to bring me down, but when it comes to family, they are the ultimate one that can bring me not down, but makes me go all crazy & haywire. The pain is comes from deep within, the problems can stress me out 24/7, drives my mind crazy, making me feels like I'm living on the verge of breaking down every single second.

When it comes to me & my parents, love can really exist between me & them. Don't get me wrong, I love them to the max, they give life to me, they shower me with all their love & tried their best to give the best damn life could me. But then, there's almost NO communication & understanding between me & them. And yet, love still exist. I tried all the ways, talking to them, arguing with them, standing strong on my point, showing it to them, all kind of ways I can think of, but till now, none prove to be success. And one more thing, the trust is no longer there. They said I betrayed their trust & yet, they never ever tried to understand for once why I did the stuff I did at times. I admit I had my faults back then, I fell & learned from my lessons but I truly believe that it never hurts to let me take a small step of my own once in awhile instead of locking me up. There's so much more & it hurts only not them but me too....

Dad, mom, both of you are the few person I love the most in the world but if only we could tried to communicate & understand, each taking a step back instead of the way it is now.. It would only be so much better =(

Anyway had a new hair cut again few weeks past but since I didn't blog on my blog for like so long, I guess its good to upload a few new pictures of mine.. Am getting used to this hairstyle & it makes me feels like I'm 15 again.. That's what my friends say anyway.. There's more description to it.. Mushroom.. Tweety bird.. Maruko Chan.. Take your pick =)

Taken before Nikki's Wedding dinner..On the way to fetch Jacklyn for massage session with the sister & Doreen =)


[Day 4: Day 2 went really well until after 4play @ Zouk, my mind was filled up by you & only you. I guess that's what happened when I force myself not to think of you for the whole day. Just when my self-control went down a lil' you came into full force in my mind & I ended up sending the "IMY" message to you. Oh God, I hope you wouldn't hate me for doing it. I just, put it that way, my feelings got a better hold of me. Day 3 was pretty normal until my dad decided to start a cold war with me. The infamous Cold War is still going on.. It makes me feels constantly down. If I'm to give myself an average rating on my emotional performance for these 3 days? It got to be 0%.]

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The path of thorns.

So many questions on my mind right now yet so little answers. Having long talks with friends, friends who really care about me helps so much but at the same time, I spend more time alone, searching & thinking. Maybe I just need some room for myself, to keep myself sane. Its time for me to stop walking down the path of illusion & walk to the path of thorns. It hurts me but its the right path & maybe there will be something for me at the end of the path. Its time to answer unanswered questions. Somethings that are meant to be done had to be done. No use escaping & blinding myself from a curtain I made & drawn around myself. Its time for changes to be made before its too late. Doesn't want to find myself standing in hell before its really too late. I don't believe in the saying that "Nothing's too late" because nobody knows what will happen the next minute. Its time to grow up & move on to another stage of life, leaving unnecessary things behind & truly cherishing what's really important to me.

p.s: Saw one of the pictures token in 4play the other night when I headed to Zouk. Loving the new blue dress =P Will upload it once Jacklyn tagged me with other pictures! Can't wait!


[Day 1: Today was pretty good. Manage to spend lots of time with this really good book Ian recommend to me, he knows what's best for me & I really appreciate him. Other time was spend talking to Andy, Kelly & Jeanie. Thanks for hearing me through & offering me piece of advice. I'll think about it. In a way, I'm proud of myself emotionally today, was doing pretty good despite what happened in the morning with my dad. I'm sorry dad. Giving myself a 70% because there's still moments here & there when I think of you.]

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

ts time to give up on foolish dreams & pursuit for simpler, satisfying, happy things in life.

Its time for me to give up foolish dreams & pursuit something simpler, something achievable. So many things had happened in this short month but what had passed is already the past. Its time to focus on present & work harder for a better future. Praying for a good night of sleep, free from nightmares, free from what is troubling me.

Goodnight people


[Day 0 - It was supposed to be day 3, but the promise I made to myself is broken. Maybe promises are meant to be broken, I didn't broke it myself, it just happened, all because of A & E. So starting from today, its day 0. Wasn't doing so well today, I saw the three of them in the car & I know it still bothers me. Maybe I'm just not meant to be part of this whole happy family thing. I wonder what friend really means. Then there was the incident in Empire Gallery. I know what's on his mind, its amazing at times how I know what he is thinking. Definitely not a good thing. I give myself 0%]

Friday, May 7, 2010

On a break from blog.

There's too many thoughts running through my mind these days. One minute, its this, next minute, its that. I'm all out of words, at the same time, too much stuffs to talk about. I guess its time to take a break from my blog till I get everything settled down. From family to studies to friendship to relationship to my future, its time for me to pile the pillows up & think all night *oh well, this 'night' might takes like days, weeks or even months* but till then, I'm definitely taking a break from everything and think what I want to do with my life, what I want from it & put it into actions.

Before I leave, I just want to wish my beloved daddy loves a very very Happy Birthday. At this time of life, I wish him nothing but happiness, peace & health. To my beloved brother & sister in law, congratulations of baby Cally's full moon =) I love both of you & my niece too. If all the love I have can make everything alright for the family, for my parents & the three of you, I'm giving you people all my love. I love you.

Bye people. Till then, take care.

Loves

Friday, April 30, 2010

Iron Man II ♥

Headed to the cinemas for Iron Man II last night despise all the assignments & stress! Guess it's a much much needed break. Was conflicting over Ip Man II or Iron Man II but ended up in Iron Man II which I can definitely says, thumbs up people =P No regrets choosing it over Ip Man II & I'm sure all my friends agree too! It lasted for about 2 hours then it was never boring throughout the whole movie & I truly enjoy it.. Go & watch it people =P

Hilarious, nice effects, rawrsome storyline.. What more do you ask for eh =P?The part where he ended up chilling with donuts on a big donut on top of a donut house.. Lol!


[I knew what I did today was definitely the wrong move but what was done can't be undid. And in a way, I really feel way much better after telling you everything. I'm just tired of hiding everything inside me, having to act in front of you & the others. I know the answer very well, no worries because from the very beginning, I have know the answer all along. When I say its i m p o s s i b l e, it is i m p o s s i b l e. It was just my own foolish act to fall for you, my friend. Till then, please do take care of yourself!]

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Emo freak I'm one!

Sometimes I can't help but wonder where life will takes me to in the end.. Nope, I'm not talking about death, but what kind of ending will I have? Career, relationship, friendship, etc. I've once fallen down the emo-spell & is now emo-ing to no ends all the time, anywhere, anytime. A reason for it? Oh well, I got a hundred & one reasons for it.. None of it really matters though.. I'm still lost, confused with myself. My heart & mind tells me different things, yearns to act differently & the physical me is just stuck in between them both.. It's once again mission impossible for me & there's nothing that I can do.. I had been thinking for many night of "What-ifs?" but I guess it doesn't apply in this situation this time.. Back2reports! Awhhh!



[My self-confidence is in the lowest of the lowest, my mind filled with nothing but all the negative thoughts, everything just seems so bleak.. If only its there's a teeny weeny chance for a change.. Do I still believe in miracle though? I don't think so.. But do miracle really exist in the world? Or like fairytale, its just another lie?]

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

So close yet so far.

Last week was a hectic week of assignments, reports & illness, which is definitely not doing any good to my stress-level which is on the verge of overflowing & breaking. Weekend was spend in Melaka for Andy's 21st birthday which was practically a night where each & every of us are trying to get others pissed-drunk @ Libra, Jonker Walk. Day time is about food, food & oh well, food. Went home on Sunday with the emoness hitting to the top point hence I slept my noon away, drove to the city at night for some much beloved shopping..

....wine shopping!
Headed back home after & put on some aromatheraphy oils, candles, slow songs & a bottle of wine, all to myself on the balcony at night.. I guess I'm just drowing myself to all these loneliness..
Lavender oil hot water bath next..


After a bottle of wine & a hot water bath.. I can feel the body is much more relaxed but emotional wise? It still sucks. Argh!



[There's all these things that I'm feeling these days.. Most of it are unexpected & I can see where all these is heading too.. Its like I'm digging my own emotional grave myself but yet, I still can't help but falling into it.. Maybe its time to be rational & stop all these thing, be cruel to myself for now for a better future perhaps? Y A E I E W, Y Y A T O P T C N B M. Y A J T G. Y A M D. A I R, D A J D. I N C T. S W A I S H F I S M? T C I K M. So close yet so far.]




Friday, April 16, 2010

I so just wanna sleep..

Its 12:26 a.m. & its a Thursday night with few of worth-going-to-ladies-night in the city tonight. And here I'm sitting in front of my laptop, working on my assignments & reports, while looking at poeple's tweet updates on how much fun they are having. Well, the club part doesn't bother me much. But at least others get to go out & hang out at some random place & have berbonding sessions! Or maybe they can even sleep if they want to*which is the thing I'm craving to do the most*! When trying to think back, I can't remember when was the last time I really partied or or go out for days, all the shopping, yamchas, chilling-sessions and just ignored my classes & reports like I did back then. So here I'm, home alone, but guess what? I decided to stay in & work my on reports. And my bed is tempting me to the max... Luring me over to its warmth & loving covers..

Argh! What the hell.. Guess I'm stress to the max right now! Its back to my reports again people!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

New Year Eve 09'

Was snaking some time off my assignments *I guess I've a low stress tolerance* when I came across this old pictures. Yeap! Its New Year Eve for the year 2009 & decided its time to upload it one way or the other, well, I still have even older pictures like my birthday & Melbourne's one but there's like more than 200 pictures over in each album.. This one is much much lesser.. And looking at it reminds me of the good old times I had! And the hell I'm in now..

New Year Eve was spent with a bunch of good friends in Brussels @ JayaOne. Clubs & countdown-areas are definitely way too pack & crowded.. Chillin' paling baik ni.. And some yummylicious beer.. Da yum!

Arrived earlier to lim teh with Wei Hua.. & Brian!

Camwhore sekejab while waiting for a table/people to arrive..
Then bunnykins decided his t-shirt is way too "cool" to be ignored..
The big stage set up for the live band that was hired & the countdown activity when the clock strikes twelve!
All time favorite beer, Hoegaarden!
The guy who came back from Melbourne, Jack Shen & his girl! I srsly miss the old time when he was still in Sunway.. Arghh...
The other bunch of Subang kakiss!!
My gay-ass-bunnykins decided to go for "peace shots"
Me & my kitty.. The only missing thing in this picture is my Evonne Quek!!!
The guai-lan guy who didn't want to walk over to take a picture with me & insisted that I should be the one to walk the whole big round *we had more than 6 tables combined into an L-shaped thing*
Andrew - Me - Juice
Brian decided to erghh "initiate" Kitty's obsession for "tudung"..
Lol... So the night was practically spend talking here & there, there's lots of other people too, joking around, fooling around, etc. It was a good new year =)

video
So when the clock strives tweeelllveee.. Its a new year for everyone! Headed to Genting with some other friends around 2-ish in the morning after & ended up back at KL like 12 in the noon. It was good.. Really really good.. Can't help to wish that time could roll back to back then when everything was more care-free/assignment-free!


[Sometimes I seriously had the urge to give up my studies but life goes on & its a road that I had chosen, giving up just wouldn't do any good to me or my family. No matter how hard & bumpy the road ahead is gonna be, I still had to walk on. God, please give me the courage & the strength to walk in this chosen path & filled up the emptiness I'm feeling always..]

Monday, April 12, 2010

A piece of my mind.

There's this question/idea/thought/issue around my mind. Just had this conversation with a friend just now when the question came into my mind, its not the first time I asked this question but this might as well be the first time I ask it in public. This question is aimed towards girls as I roughly get the guy's answer toward this question.

"What makes you goes for a one night stand?"

Well, this question would had to be answer by females who had experience in this area. Or at least she had tried it at least once before she could answer me. I never see fault in a girl going for one night stand but I had no idea what is the motivation or the reason behind that gave her enough courage to do it, and the most important part, to do it and wake up to a random stranger the next day beside her with NO regret at all. The risk in having one night stand around, especially as a life habit, had high risk of being infected with STD and at the same time, risk of getting pregnancy. Besides that, what about the emotional/mental part in this "game"? Can a female just sleep with a random guy without any feelings towards him and just enjoy the sex part? Or they can be strong enough to ignore all their own feelings towards the random guy and walk away the next day? And what happen if you do it and woke up the next day with regret towards what happened last night? There's just so many things I couldn't understand. Maybe it takes someone to experience it to understand it. Or maybe there's just nothing to be understand about but just sex.

I do belief in having "fubu" though. At least this is something I can understand. You have sex constantly with this ONLY other person, vice-versa him as well but you're not in a relationship with him. You can see the person for a year, repeat the same lifestyle, do everything a couple in a relationship do and still, you guys are just friends. Most of the time, I find people who's in this situation is either commitment phobic, doesn't wants to be in a relationship for the time being, just lonely & needed someone to accompany [a companion], still wants to have fun out there and doesn't want to be tie down, etc. But in this kind of "relationship", another question surfaced in my mind. When do you know you're no longer in the safe zone and developed genial love feelings for the other half? But the other half stills wants to be only in this complicated single-yet-in-a-relationship status. So what do you do? You're no longer in the safe waters and are now facing the risk of getting hurt by no one other than your own actions?

This post is not morale-ethically correct but these things do happen in reality and its becoming a common. Look around you and you might happen to see people around you in a similar situation or maybe even one day, you'll find yourself in a similar situation. So what do you do when you're in a situation like this? Just another random thought of mine though. Feel free to share your view.

[Every girls had their own dream, own fairytale, own prince. I had mine too but as I grew up, I found things aren't that simple in reality and my own life doesn't unfold like a fairytale story does. I still believe in true love and hoped to find my own one day, but sometimes, the idea of me never finding one, dying alone occurs in my mind. I'm sure there's no such thing as an insurance that guarantee you being able to find your other half. In the sea of people, is there a guy for me out there who love me too like I love him? I wonder.]

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Wine night out♥

Decided its time for a lil' more recent update. Well, not that recent actually but at least it happens in the year 2010 & not the 2009. Decided to bring the girls for a wine night out, sharing with them the love♥ of my life. You know how people say 'sharing is caring'. Lol. So its a night to La Bodega @ Pavilion. Pictures courtesy from Stephy's & Bee's camera =) They have enough cameras for each outing so I'll just keep mine er stuff somewhere *I think its inside the car now & rotting by itself with all the other rubbish inside*

Dinner first at Wong Kok with Ashley & Bee. Stephy & Eugene came to join us later. I'm sure my dear-oh-Kenry Lo who's in Melbourne now will love this. Oops, wait a minute, he's the one who love this first. A million thanks to Kenry for introducing this lovely Spanish wine to me♥ *Btw if you people have good wine to introduce, I'm always curious & eager to know..*
And goose liver pate♥ Another all time favorite there but I think I prefer the other one which was on bread then this dip one.
The 4 of us. Momo's at Melbourne at that time... Enjoying her rave & honeymoon =P
Wine wine wine wine wine.. Okay.. I think I'm craving for it now.. Arghh!
Me & Bee.. Seriously, if I'm a publisher.. I'll find her & publish a book on.. Well on all kind of Chinese-related-beliefs & practices =P
And the cute adorable girl sitting on the next table.. Oh, by the way, my sister in law gave birth last Saturday to Cally/Carry *Christian name not decided yet* Cheng Shin Sum, a healthy baby daughter aka my niece. Pictures of her will be published later. I had lotsa of them on my desktop, including video clips. Congrats congrats!
And I'm making my future house's living room/bed room with this wine rack on the ceiling. I can imagine going to sleep every night looking at it & waking up the next looking at it. It's going to guarantee stress-free-sleeping-nights & waking-up-in-paradise-mornings!

[Once again, I'm growing sick of my study life but there's no other choice but to complete my degrees studies. Maybe I'm just now the study-material-kind-of-people. Sometimes I feel I don't belong when I walked into Monash, looking at all the hypered-up students around me. And these days, I ended up thinking lots on the same old question: "What is life?" I guess this is one of those questions which answers I've to find on my own. These days, everything just seems to pass in a haze. A lil' numb perhaps?]

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Melaka Trip '09

Took a quickie road trip down to Melaka on the beginning of my summer holiday last year. Well the main reason of this trip is because my honey loves has to put some of her stuff at there grandma's place & at the same time, I wanted to visit Ah Yi who finally decided to settle down in Melaka & opened up her own gold shop. Oh.. And its Ah Yi's birthday too. So there we go, me the designated driver for the trip. Drove down around evening, drop her stuff at the grandma's place & showered & off to the city we go. First stop, satay celup/celop! *Idk the spelling.. Forgive me..*

Capitol Satay.. I think it was good luck bcos the time when we reach there, there was nobody lining out there & there was this table people leaving.. No need to wait =DMe & Ah Yi busy choosing food..
Cheese^^v
Cucumbers & bread..
My honey loves..
Hungry hungry.. *slurps*
Then the other bunch of KL-ians who follower Juice down to Melaka came along too when they heard we got the table dy..
The big eater Abel!! Oh well, throughout the whole trip he was the one who non-stop eats.. & eat.. & eat..
Juice & Tiong

Headed to some cafe after bought lotsa coffee & milk tea & headed to a "place" to "celebrate" Ah Yi's birthday with some of her friends & relatives..
Next morning.. Being the early birds..

Found this picture interesting with this kid riding the horse passing right in the middle. Cute =)
Time for big breakfast =)
Me & honey loves waiting for the food..
Toast.. Baked cheese... Noodless... Red bean ice.. Milk tea... Yummy loves!
Headed next to the Jetty for a long walk.. And the sky outside definitely fits the definition of "emo" sky for my loveliess!!

Camwhooorreee...
*snap snap*
Poserrrr....
Headed to karaoke next.. Although the sound system is kinda sucky, but the view is definitely worth it!
Amazing sea view.. Oh & see the lil' platform on the ocean behind? Definitely the place to chill & drink, beer garden woots!
*Laaaaaaaaalllllllliiiiiiiillllllllllaaaaaahhhhhlllllllliiiiii*
*Naaaaaniiiiiiiiinaaaaaannnnnnnnniiiiiiiiinaaaaaaa*
Boy, K & Mel decided to join us in Melaka as well. Headed for satay next with Juice, Tiong, Abel & Kerynne..
Mel & K..
Tiongggg!
And the poser with his signature pose.. Or more like only pose.. Juice =P
Durian cendol next! Da yum!
Kerynne & me (''.)
The two stoners.. Or jokerss.. Or clowns.. Whatever you call it!
Definitely thumbs up for this bowl of durian cendol. The only thing I dislike is the red kidney beans. Ewwwww!!
The kid who saw his "gift"

I got tired of food & demanded a break from it since I wanted to visit the Eye Of Malaysia =)
And they got attracted by the big snake at the animal exhibition on the entrance..
Tiong too..

Excited balls bcos I finally get to go on the Merry-Go-Round... Heheeee..


Doesn't he look adorable hereeee? Awwwhhh =)
Wootssss!!!






Guess whatttt??
K freaked outtt!!!!
It seems like he's praying to God for help.. *He even screamed to get out when it didn't stop at the first round to let us out.. Lol*
And then....
Tiong became nausea too.. Motion sickness.. Lol!
Headed next for the animal exhibition..
Its a guy-curiosity thing to do.. I guess..
Look at the Do-Re-Mi curiosity faces!
And this definitely reminds me of my milk-milk T_T I miss him.. And his spider T_T
And this definitely makes me wonder when does a fury cat became an "exotic animal" & for the right for animal exhibition...
Food again next.. Abel just can't stop eating.. But this is definitely one of the best meal but I know there's quite some people who couldn't accept the environment of this place..
The guys demanded for a picture of them while waiting for a table..
Group picture of the boysss..
Jonker Walk next for snacks & beerrr!!!
Cotton candy machine.. Boys & machines.. More to toys.. Hahahaa!!
Tiong-made-cotton-candy!
Cotton candy sensatiooooonnnn loves!
Bumped into other KL-ians! Me God-of-War, Markkk!
Then we headed to some bar at the middle of the Jonker walk for some beerrr. Hoegaarden loves! And I definitely love the bar compared to the club we headed to next..
Juice with his old-school-mini-gun. Damn cute...
Then Abel decided he had to try the duck mee as well before we headed to the club.. Headed to some housing area next..
Pictures taken by Kerynne... Funny!

Headed to Pure Bar next.. *I'm sorry to say so.. But I seriously couldn't "understand" the music & the crow there*
Me & Juice
Me & Tiong
Abel & me
Darling Kerynne & me!
Bumped into Jocelyn who came all the way to Melaka for friend's birthday too!

Didn't really feel like blogging these days. Out of words I guess. You guys can see its mostly pictures & not much words. Even when there's words, it just doesn't make sense ain't it? Lol! At least I'm trying not to leave the blog dead!!

Good night people (''.)