Sunday, February 28, 2010

Messed up inside out still.

The end of my holidays was spent on a last minute vacation to Kuantan. A final break for me before I'm to face the books & lectures, a time for me to let all the deep random thoughts flit all over my mind, a time for me to let all my emotions flow the way it wants to before I bottled all of it up & concentrate on what I'm supposed to concentrate on. So many things had happened during this short duration of CNY & it remind me once again on how cruel the society & people can be. Face the fact, nobody is perfect & nothing is going to be perfect but try viewing it from a different perspective might lighten things up & make it look prettier.
Looking around me & all that had happened to me & my precious ones, sometimes its just so terrifying to see how fragile is most of these days relationships. And it is also shocking to see how crazy people can be, so illogical, so uncontrollable, so daring, in the name of love. Some people say its all because of love. Some people say its plain craziness. Is love a power so big, big enough to drive someone out of their own mind & do unexplainable things? I stick to my own believe, a believe that says loves is one of main reasons why so many beautiful things happens in life, that loves is one of the factor responsible for all the beautiful memories we had.
At the same time, it is undeniable that love is one thing that will hurt the deepest. So deep at times that I had known people say death would be preferable, an escape route for the process of hurting & healing from it. I had never agree that death would be the wise choice, the correct choice no matter what happened but its undeniable that love could hurt a person that deep that it drives the people mind & they became another being on its down, a soulless walking corpse. But one thing is for sure, we always come back for more. Love is definitely something we can never get enough & will always crave for more.
Life's a cycle. That's for sure. Love is one too. You fall in love, then you falled out of love. First you get to feel like you're one of the happiest person on Earth, then you feel like you're one of the saddest person on Earth. The hurts comes in & through the process of hurting & healing, you learn your own mistakes & learn another lesson on love. Then you learn how to love again based on your own experience, and most important, your heart. And one day, you will learn how to truly love a person with everything you have & vice-versa & that's the day you found your other half.
But till the day you are to find your own soul mate, I guess its about waiting & learning, living your life to the fullest, trying to live it to the minimum regrets & thinking of "what-ifs". Life goes on & people get into relationships, get out of it & move on & then get into new relationships. Some people might be tired of getting into relationships, unsure if the other person is "the-one", just wanting to meet the next one & hope that its "the-one". But avoiding love, avoiding getting into a relationship just because you're tired or unsure is a risk of losing the chance to find out if the other person is ever the one. There's something that will remain unknown if you never try.
I had been people who rushed into relationships that everybody disagree on, that everybody didn't support & oh well, miracles happens & it just prove to the people around how wrong they are. Sometimes, trust your own instinct, trust your own heart, following your own words. At the same time, I had seen people where the other half, had shown them the ugly side, had told them the truth & yet, they choose to remain in the relationship, clinging onto it so hard even though the other half had let go of it. They choose to be stuck in a dark hole they create for themselve, stuck their head in it, blind themselve in the darkness & imagine their own bliss.
After all the random thoughts I had said above, I came to no answer yet. But I choose to believe that someday, somewhere out there, there will be my other half standing, waiting for me like how I had been waiting for him. I choose to believe love as one of the most amazing things that can happen in life, one of the most beautiful blessings God had given to us. To all the single people out there, please don't give up or be afraid to love. To all the couples out there, learn to appreciate the other half standing in front of you, remember to love with everything you have, love like you had never hurt before. Do not leave a regret for the future or a chance to wonder "What if I had love more?"

Remember always: "The more you give, the more you take"

Happy Chinese Valentine people. And a final time to say Happy Chinese New Year in the year of Tiger.

Loves ♥

Friday, February 19, 2010

Everything & nothing.

As most people know, I wasn't around much in KL for the past 3 weeks. Was spending most of my time first in Kota Kinabalu then flew back to Hong Kong for the Chinese New Year. Some people was telling me how nice it was to be on a vacation, but I actually had other meaning for this two trip & for the period when I was away in KL. Things hadn't been that smooth for some time & this two trip was more like an escape route for me & at the same time, to get my mind sorted out, more or less.

The first stop was the land of Mother Nature where I spent most of my time in the slow moving city surrounded by the beach, the ocean & the sun.
Then I flew back to the hectic land, where people was always rushing somewhere, doing something, getting myself surrounded with the grey metal buildings & a same yet different ocean.
And yet, in this city filled with millions of people cramped into this small space, I could still the loneliness, the emptiness. It is surprising on how low I could get, how utterly alone I could be when I was in the crowd.
But deep in my heart, I know there is this few person who would be there for me no matter where life leads me to in the future. The few person on earth who love me unconditionally, who taught me when I was wrong & encourage me when I fall. The few person who I call my family.
Looking at the happy couple, my brother & my sister in law who got married on September last year, I wonder if one day, I would get the chance to find me other half & spent the rest of my life with him. Sometimes, I do worry deep down that my other half wasn't out there & I'll end up alone like how we are born into the world, alone. I wonder how it feels like to be the bride, how it feels like to have your other half shower you with unconditional love & promise to spent the rest of their life with you despite poverty & death.
And at most of my trouble times, I mostly ended up either sleeping it away, or trying my best to blow everything away by yakking to my few most precious friends. God had been kind enough to me, to shower me with a family, although imperfect, but who cares for me & a few really good people who I could call them as my friends.
After all the sleeping, yakking & crying, given enough time, I could put back a smile on my face. Some things really take times to cure. They say time is one of the best medicine, especially for emotional scars. I agree. But sometimes when it is too much, or I feel really lost myself, couldn't find the answer for the million of mysteries we face in life, I close my eyes & try to feel without thinking. Some answers are never meant to be logical. Somethings just happen & its unexplainable. Like love. At the same time, I try to achieve peace with myself. Cos all the conflict I face outside is tiring enough. Conflict within oneself is an additional torture. How could you expect others accept you for who you are when you yourself is conflicting over who you are? Same goes for love. If one does not even know how to love oneself, then the one doesn't know how to love another being. Someone special to me use to tell me this in the past. How true it is.
Maybe this is life. After much disappointment, I still choose to believe in miracle & wish for it to happen. Hope is one of the element that keeps life going when you're going through the bumpy side of life.
Like fishes in the ocean, we go through the same basic life cycle. There's competition, there's birth, there's death, there's life. And I do wonder, do they feel as much as we do? Or maybe they are more simpler than we humans are? Some times I had to really agree that some of the problems we human face are problems we brought to ourself by our so-called-more-developed-brain.
Try viewing life from a different point. Nobody is the ever the reason why the earth is still spinning. The earth never revolve around a single person, never in history, never now, never in the future. Earth wouldn't be Earth if there's only a single life. When I was up there alone, I looked down & realized how tiny I'm. Literally.
At the end of this post, I would love to wish all the people out there, a Happy Chinese New Year again. Take this time of the year, to show appreciation to the people who matters. The one whom we call as our friends, our family, our other half. Do not live a life where at the brink of death, you flashes back & realize you lead a meaningless life filled with nothing but regrets & mistakes.

[This was a random post with bits of my thoughts here & there. Pictures are randomly selected from a few occasions & time written somewhere. Its confusing but its what I'm thinking at the moment.]

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Greetings from Hong Kong♥

One of the most important season greeting to all the people out there:

♥ Happy Chinese New Year ♥ Gong Xi Fa Cai ♥

Actually I'm in a rush to pick up my cousins so I'll just keep the greetings short eh? May all you people wishes come true! I'm back to Hong Kong for the CNY & the weather is grey & chilly. But the people of Hong Kong never fail to make this festive season to be a bright success. And for me? I'm just happy that they decided to open up all shops until 12 a.m. last night & 1 a.m. tonight! Woots! But I had managed to spend a frigging lum sum of 4k last night in a single day on my shopping & food & drinks etc. There goes all my savings & money I work for during the summer. So I can't wait for my ang paos aka red packets tonight! I'll just keep it short shall I? Can't wait to be back in KL too ♥
Greetings from the dim sums & polo buns in Hong Kong!
And of course me & my alcohol lover ♥ *I tell you, drinking in Hong Kong is one of the cheapest thing to do! Da yum! Hoegaarden is cheap.. Blue Girl aka my favorite Hong Kong beer is even cheaper!*

To those who are driving back to hometown, drive safe. To those who are with the family, never fail to show them your love & care. To those who couldn't be with theirs, take the initiative & pick up the phone/go online & talk with them. To those who are already getting the CNY party started, go GAMBLE & DRINK you way like a true Chinese!

♥ Much loves♥ Happy CNY ♥ Hugs&Kisses ♥

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A little something for two of you ♥

My trip to Kota Kinabalu this time was not as long as I would had like it to be because I had to fly back to Hong Kong for the Chinese New Year but nevertheless, this trip had been a meaningful one, a memorable one because the two special lovelies I had over there. Maybe this trip would not had meet the definition of "fun" & "memorable" for many people out there with its lack of activities but when I say its meaningful & memorable, I truly mean it. The time I get to spend with Charlotte & Soo, the heart2heart conversation I get to had, the hug & shoulder they offer to me, the trust & care they put in me is enough to engrave this trip lifelong in both my mind & heart.

This is a little gift for the two of you, Charlotte Wong & Soo Siaw Vun. It does not worth a single buck but a little something from my heart to the two of you ♥ *click on the picture to enlarge it to read the words*
♥ Charlotte dear ♥
♥ Honey Soo ♥
♥ Charlotte ♥ Soo ♥ Cristine ♥
And this is the last place I went to in Kota Kinabalu before I left for the airport, the Sacred Heart Cathedral. I did a little prayer & said my thanks to God for I'm feeling blessed, for having meet all of you in my life & for everything I had. And in there, I made a wish too. And I choose to have faith.
And in the airport & plane, I saw a miracle. Maybe its a sign. Or maybe its just nothing. But it means a lot to me.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Xmas Eve @ Bambo9♥

This shows how inefficient I can be. A Christmas Eve post when its going to be Chinese New Year soon but I have even much much older pictures compare to this & I'm going to talk about it someday. Well, not much plan for Christmas, was planning to sleep it away since I had work on that day & was really exhausted with work. You guys must be thinking "What is there to be tired about when all you do is sit in a comfortable air-conditioned room from 9 - 6??" Oh well, its not the physical tired but the mentally exhaustion too from facing the computer for overrated hours! Was on my bed when this dear of mine called & its someone I never say NO to. One friend who love me a lil' too much, a friend who will cry for me when I'm the unhappy one & be there for me, showering me with unlimited love & care whenever I fell. And this time, its my turn to do the same for her. For someone who had just got off a frigging emotional rollercoaster, she's a very strong one! Applause for my dear♥ *claps..cheers..* So Bambo9 @ TTDI it is!

All the pictures are courtesy of my dear's camera so oh well, very very low quality with very chao tut & messed up look of mine. Seriously, I was in pajamas & on the verge of falling asleep so all I did was changed & headed out. Nothing was done to my messed up hair/exhausted face. But I brought my soul & body along.. So oh well!!

I had no idea where I was looking @ that time weih!
Gillian ♥ Cristine ♥ Song
I make a wish on Xmas. Will it come true eh?
And then I decided to go cuckoo to put a smile on my loved one's face.
But the best medicine would be a big kiss & a big hug♥

A red wine session with you after the Bambo9 session. Heart2heart talks with the wine & a shoulder to lean on when I desperately needed one makes this Xmas Eve perfect.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Peace please?

I paid a visit to this hidden beach today. Its definitely no tourist spot & with the raging sun in the noon, there's not a single soul at the beach with the exception of one or two cars parked in the shaded area. I had been here only once in the past but it managed to leave deep memories in me. Drove here alone, parked & got down, found myself a spot facing the ocean & somehow, it got me thinking but all the thoughts & memories just flashed through my mind, never stayed for long & before long, my brain became an empty, blank piece. A feeling of peace washed over me, something I hadn't been feeling for long, even though it only last for a precious 10 minutes before the brain starts working again. There's so many unanswered question, unsorted problems waiting for me. I'm determined to sort out this messed up life of mine.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Greetings from KK, Sabah ♥

Woots! This will be my 5th time to Kota Kinabalu in like 2 years+ duration! And the air still smell so sweet, the ocean still so alluring, the environment still so lovely & with every breath I take, it just makes my heart go pumping faster! Nope, I'm not exaggerating, I'm seriously in ♥ with this place & even my KK friends are wondering when I'll just buy a house & move over for good *too bad, I don't have the $$ to do it even though I wanted it much* or just find a husband over here & get married *& that's not going to happen anyway* Anyway am quite busy for the 1st & 2nd night here due to Charlotte Wong who insisted on drinking *I think getting drunk on the 1st night I'm here is becoming a habit/culture/pattern/etc.*. Been drinking for 2 nights in a row now & sent Charlotte off to her trip *thanks God, break from drinking* & will continue the drinking when she's back on the 6th woots! Will be doing the usual, eating, hanging out, sleeping, waste hours doing nothing beside the sea for these few days..

Beside the attraction [the ocean, the beach, the drinks] that KK had to offer me, the most important reason for me to be here would be these two!

My honey ♥
And my dear ♥
And these time, I brought no pressies over beside my heart, my brain, my mouth & my ear. That should be more than enough right babes♥?

And no worries, I'm still missing my KL peeps! Can't wait for CNY to get the gambling & drinking rolling.