Thursday, March 4, 2010

A song that sings.

Been pretty emo since 2 nights ago & like always, I'm still living & breathing. Never had the courage to do anything too crazy, too dangerous. People who have me on twitter or who happen to read my twitter during these 2 days will be reading all my emo tweets & wonder "Wtf is wrong with this bitch?"

Yes, it is related to relationship problems in a way.
No, I'm not in a relationship.
No, nobody dumped me.

In fact, when he told me that he's afraid I'll be mad at him. the answer is "No, I'm not mad at you. I'm just feeling shocked, confused & mad at myself. You didn't hurt me, but I hurt myself by believing in you & everything you told me."

I had no idea how am I to trust you in the near future, because, you can frigging told me you love me 2 weeks ago & 2 weeks later, *taaadaaa* you're in a relationship. WOW. Oh wait, I didn't finish the sentence, you're in a relationship with another girl. Okay, I think its starting to sound confusing now. 2 weeks before, we*me&him* had a long talk, we never planned to get into a relationship because of our own same reasons which both of us agree on. And all the words you told me, the way you treated me all these while, even in this 2 weeks & suddenly, you're in a relationship with someone. *Uh & the funny part is, she is not someone who's there but here too. So does it makes a difference?* So does that means what we said was just meaningless?

And the most important part, what you told me after you went "into a relationship".. But I respect you neverless & I'm not going to write it out here because its supposed to be private. It was what you told me that make me so lost, so confused, so afraid to believe anymore. I had no idea how to differentiate the truth & lies from your words. And if what you're telling me is the truth, then does your action point towards the opposite?

No, I don't want you to be in a relationship with me.
No, I don't want you to break up with her.
No, I'm not angry at you.

You taught me an important lesson neverless, sometimes, it hurts to trust a person with all your heart & then you realize that everything is a fraud, a lie. Betrayal maybe? I had no idea.

And when I told you I sent my blessings to you & her to be happy together & to love & cherish one another, I really mean it because I don't want you in person nor your heart. I just want you to be frank with me as a friend. That's all.

If you people know mandarin, read the lyrics of this song, or go to the extend of downloading it, because its the way I'm feeling now. Like I said, I blame no one but myself for all this shit happening right now, this moment. Its a very famous old song by Kelly Chen.


陈慧琳 - 是我不好

我都醉了
灯光在我眼里都模糊了
为什么还清清楚楚记得
那天那句要我把你忘了
怎么能忘了
除非不呼吸
走到哪里 才躲的掉回忆
离别就是让人怀疑着自己
连恨不恨你都不能确定

也许这一切都是我不好
是我不知道
只有真心留不住男人一个拥抱
就算眼泪会是温柔的守候
可是爱如果是求来的
我也不想要
是我不好
是我还忘不掉
心痛只能用时间来消耗
毕竟当初是我选的一个
给不起我永远的人
就算是我不好

我都醉了
灯光在我眼里都模糊了
为什么还清清楚楚记得
那天那句要我把你忘了
怎么能忘了
除非不呼吸
走到哪里才躲的掉回忆
离别就是让人怀疑着自己
连恨不恨你都不能确定

也许这一切都是我不好
是我不知道
只有真心留不住男人一个拥抱
就算眼泪会是温柔的守候
可是爱如果是求来的
我也不想要
是我不好
是我还忘不掉
心痛只能用时间来消耗
毕竟当初是我选的一个
给不起我永远的人
就算是我不好

A lil' translation on the chorus for those who don't understand: "What happened was due to my own fault & my own stupidity for not knowing that loving a person with a heart so true is insufficient to make a man love back & stay. If the relationship were to come because of my tears & begging, & not because of you feeling the same way like I do, I rather not have it. It's my own fault for being unable to forget what we had & the only cure for the hurt & pain I'm feeling now could only be heal through time. And I got no one but myself to blame for choosing a guy that wouldn't give us a future. Its my own fault."

Okay, I know this translation kinda sucks but I couldn't think of better words for it with the retarded brain of mine. Forgive me. Try listening to it though. Its a really nice song.

If you're interested in downloading it, click here.

Good night people.