Thursday, August 20, 2009


"Lately you've been stressed about everything from work to the current state of affairs. Now is the best time to take a look at the things worthy of your worrying. Work on only the things that you can change, and leave the rest up to fate."

So true.

It's not like I have a choice do I? Leaving the rest up to fate, fate is never that kind to me. In times, fate seems to be fooling around with me, so evil at times that I thought fate must be the work of the devil. Sometimes, I just get so fed up with life, I get so tired of it, mentally & physically. Both. Broke down last week, once again, fate playing the same old joke to me. When one fall down for the same uncontrollable reason over & over again, it's hard to stand up. It's really hard. I'm really confused. Family, friendship, relationship, all that link one human to another, is getting in to my head. I don't really have much control over it because it takes 1 + 1 to makes 2. No matter how much I work for it, put effort in to it, in the end, it takes the other party to make the decision too. Losing a friend this way is ridiculous. How can he still message me at times, sending care in a way so cold, getting my reply & ignore me then when he tells me he wants to stop seeing me, stop communicating with me. Is the friendship that we used to have just something I imagine myself? Was all the words he said just another lie? Relationship-wise, I'm just so tired. I had lose the self-confidence to believe that there is someone out there for me, that I'm good enough to be someone's girlfriend, that I'm good enough to attract a guy for me, that I'm good enough to be able to be with a one I love. I'm just not good enough. I'm not a good girl, a good person, with a good background, with good looks, a good personality. I just ain't good enough. Family. I'm still working hard on it. Please God, at least help me out here. I'm truly lost.

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