Friday, January 15, 2010

I wonder what does it take?

Have you ever wonder what it takes to be a somebody? Someone special? Someone important? Fame, wealth, looks, friends, relationships, etc. have everything you ever wanted? I do. And most of the time, I end up wondering what does it really take to be someone important, someone precious to the one I love. Some say it take nothing at all. Some say it take everything, sometime, it even takes your life. Which one could possibly be truth? I guess it all depends on how you think. I'm not an old person with 50 years experience behind me to tell me what is life, or how my life is spent & how it ended up as it is today. And of course, that doesn't mean that if you're 50 it means you can decide what's wrong and right either. For me, age doesn't mean much *of course beside the fact you're growing old with a weaker body & wrinkle skins*.

I had spend my lifetime, trying to get into people's heart. Well, of course not everybody, but the ones that matter to me. Sometime I success, I end up gaining something that hopefully, will last for a life time but of course, if it is to last a life time, there will be more bumpy roads ahead. Like I said, life is never perfect, I had my fair share of failure in doing that, ended up getting hurt both in the process & the end, most of time, learning some really precious lessons but it also makes it more difficult to trust people around me. And I always ended up wondering what does it really take to be someone in the person's heart. Maybe sometimes I just tried too hard? Over doing things when all I want is just the person to be happy. Some friends often wonder why do I even bother? Some friends felt that its because I'm never brave enough to tell them that I'm the one doing it, just being the coward mice behind, doing all the hardwork when the credit goes to someone else? But when I see the smile on their face, it makes me smile too. On the other hand, it hurts when I realized that they knew about it & was just using me as a tool to get what they want & disposed me right after. I realize I meet enough friends who do that often to me enough.

What about relationships? I guess I never score in this department. I guess I'm such a failure in this, there must be something really wrong with both my outer & inner self. It hurts to admit that, but I couldn't think of any other reasons why I had fail miserably here. Studies, I blame it on my own laziness =] Maybe I'm just meant to die alone in a cracked old house with a dozen of black cats as pets & then they will eat my corpse when I die because nobody will know that I die & the cats will get hungry since there's nobody to feed them. Sad story, but it will really happen =[[[[ Or according to what my friends say, I have to wait for the right one. Or The One. But is there really someone out there meant for me? It gets depressing & lonely at times.

But of course, I'm blessed to have a few friends, quite a few actually, that pull me through life, that tell me life is meaningful, that teach me important lessons, that shower me with love & care, telling me never to give up no matter how hard it is, showing me I'm someone too in their heart & the most important, to have one another despite all that had happened. And most important, my family, my dad, my mom, my brother & my sister in law. Without them, life will be different.


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