Wednesday, January 27, 2010

My thoughts. My words. My decison.

Been doing lots of "chit-chatting" these days, where its deep heart-2-heart talks or blowing water. The last conversation I had would be the one with Nen, who told me the shocking news regarding his mom & her current condition. My advice would still be the same "Take the next flight out of Penang & take a taxi to the hospital now". What about the consequences of this action huh? My answer would be "To hell with it!".

Some of you people might think I'm a very rush-headed person. Might think it would be better if I take a deep breath & think properly before putting it into action. In fact, its true, that would be much better than just rushing into things. But life is never that way, time will never stop ticking, waiting for you & your precious decision to be made & then only the actions take place. By the time your decision is made, it might already be too late. I'm sorry to say, but I lose faith with the words "It's never too late for anything". I use to be one who will sit & think first, the calm one, but after all I had been through, I had learn the hard way that not all situation will allow me to do that & it leaves me with regret. I don't have much regret in my life but I do have a few which was due to "I was too late". Please judge & act accordingly to the situation. It differs.

Which leads me back to me & some troubles I had been facing these days. I'm grateful for all the precious advice my friends had given to me & I had think it through. I'm sticking to my decision, even though I myself know its dumb & what the risk is & how it would probably end up as but I know, if this remain, I might be happy for today, tomorrow, next week or maybe even next month but still, at the end, I know it leads to my own grave as well. I had decide to take action then to sit aside & enjoy what I have now although this action will put me at high risk losing what I have now but if its meant to be mine, it will be. If its not, one day, all these will leave me too. I will accept all the consequences that this action will leads to. I don't want to leave it as something I'll regret later on.

Life is too fragile, no matter how much you precious it. You never know what happen the day after & you will never know. The pain might be unbearable, but the pain is a process which you must go through in life, a process that will shape who you are going to be in the future. I'm afraid of this pain, I had been through it before & know how it feels like, it feels like I'm in hell, or maybe even worst than that. I know some might think I'm foolish, risking myself to all this pain when it is avoidable but I had decided that this would be the time I would try once more, risking the "fake" happiness I have now for the "true" happiness. I don't want to stay in this grey area any longer. It is torturing me.

I know the worst consequences & the probability of it turning out to be that way but maybe I'm just hoping for that teeny-weeny 1% of miracle again. For one last time, I choose to believe in miracle, wishing it to happen on me.

Always remember, life is too fragile, please try to live it with the minimal regrets.

1 comment:

Cristine said...